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As my pencil skids across the he white field of potential, it turns the surface black. Again and again in endless stroking patterns my mind melts into the surface; into a time dilation of past present and future. It absorbs me, soothes me, and sometimes it mocks me. but always it enthralls me, this exercise of creating something from nothing.
It is not something I think about or at least not think about directly. Thinking would kill it. I may from time to time look out of the peripheral vision of what I am doing and wonder about it, but direct examining thought about it unties the knot that holds the process in place, it destroys the bridge of the moment. No, It is not thought out, this process of creation, it is ridden. If it were calculated, a formulaic answer to an quantified equation, no one would do it. I am not looking for an answer, I could care less about the answer. When I create, I am lost in a power that is greater than the end result could ever communicate rationally. When I look at the expression 2 + 2 = 4 I feel sorry for the people who see the four as the sum.
The bi-product of this experience is what people call art. When the art is good, people will praise you. There is satisfaction in this, but it is only the afterglow or echo of an event that is pure.
I think I need some serious phycological help. (Big surprise right?) I have spent the afternoon updating my blogs. Not to be confused with adding new posts, this particular kind of updating involves downloading the newest service release of WordPress and bringing the code up to date. It is not a complex process, but it is time consuming. Why might you ask? (Waiting …) I’m glad you asked, because it brings up an important point.
I have far too many blogs to keep up with (both WordPress.com blogs and .org blogs). I have deep dark secret blogs with circular email forwarding and revolving public IP address that I post from. I also have writing blogs, and Art blogs and business blogs and character blogs. I have blogs based on humor (or what I consider to be humorous.) I even have a blog of conspiracies that I make up. This is just sad in the extreme. What am I looking for in all these postings?
The end result for today was a paring down. I killed a number of my blogs, backed up entries of worth, and I will be consolidating the rest. It all comes back to the axiom, “Just because you can do a thing, does not mean you should.”
Question on blog: Review your own life up to this point; if you could give yourself a letter-grade, what would it be and why?
D. To quote my second grade teacher. “your child has so much to give, but fails to live up to his potential.” Does that mean that kids with lesser potential got better grades? And where is this potential, because I’ve never seen it? I swear it is some modern day version of the Emperors new clothes. I’m going to convince myself someday it exists and walk down the middle of town naked exclaiming “see my new clothes they are made from the finest potential.” Everyone will point stare and laugh. Yeppers! I give my self a D, maybe a D-.
Follow up question on Blog: review your own life once again, only now think of how others must see you; being unbiased in this sense, if you could give yourself a letter-grade, what would it be and why?
B+ He’s talented, but he has so much wasted potential.
